Box Candies

Zeal Unfocussd Publishing has bagged the rights to publish the legendary Underworld Don and Gangster Daffy’s autobiography Life’s Ain’t An Easy Bitch.

The dangerous don of the underworld had a few months back announced to make public his notorious life as the Gangster of all dogs. He was immediately flooded by offers from hundreds of ace publishers across the world including from countries that want don for various heinous crimes he committed.

The Don decided it was time the world learnt from his criminal exploits that included grand larceny, extortion, multitude of rapes and murders, art thefts, drugs and bones trafficking and several other crimes. He also also decided to reveal his mystic past that had been a question of debate in the scholastic circles.

Though born an AKC recognized labrador in a highly pedigreed family, don had given up domestic life and declared himself a street mongrel and took to a life of petty crime at a very young age. And from there, through sheer doggedness and canine cunning he climbed the ladder of crime and sank into the underworld. Last year he topped the underworld chart beating even Osama Bin Laden, Dawood Ibrahim and other notorious gangsters and terrorists. He is currently wanted by 32 countries and has a prize money of 3 Billion Dollars on his head.

Don who is famous for his witty one-liners like ‘If its a bitch, its mine!’, ‘A son of a bitch ain’t a bastard by default!’, ‘My tail don’t wag for nobody!’, etc is currently looking for a human freelance writer because the law of Camidian Government does not allow dogs to author books even if they are autobiographies.

The book is expected to be finished by next fall and be out in the stands by April 2008. Being a dog, Don said the book would also be tranlated into audio book of barks for the sake of his canine clan.

It is rumored that certain Hollywood Studios have shown interest in purchasing the filming rights for the book.

Helo Sar,

I yam surching for gud jab in any arganisashun. Lukkilee, you sended me this great meil. Though i am not failed in any exam bekos unforchunately i did not atten exams, i have great kwalificashun. I can hit people on thier heds and fall down and acting dead. they think i dead and scrach their hed. i will again get up and hitted them and acting dead again and again until they are deaded relly. that is my sooper teknik.

i am wonderful disgiser also. i can pretend to bee anybody including an email virus. i can also act like poshh teeenagur by wRitiNg liKe tHiS aGaIN ANd AgAin. I also hide my handwriting by typing insted of writing. haha (that ees my laugh).

Ass for kaching the terrible terrarist, i alredy have his photographs that i reseeved from my secret konsultant. heer is my idya how to kill the terrarist.

i will zoom intoo the terrarist eye in photo till i get the reflecshun of the photographur. then i will zoom into the eye of that photographur till i see reflekshun of the terrarist again. i will do that again und again until i know both the terrarist and photgraphur by heart. then i will katch and captur the photographur and torchur him with my philosaphy of aunty-terrarism (i yam a freelans philasapher, you see). then the poor photographur will tell the cave wher the terrarist is hiddun. which mite be in mountain caves of pacific ocean where he is said to be building castles in air.

i will then sit at the entrans af the cave and smoke thousand water-proof cigarettes. that will unsmoke the terrible terrarist out. but af kors i will not surrendar the terrarist to you, bekas you see i yam not a fool. i know you will give terrarist to governament and they will give you money. so i will disguis like you and go to governament of divided warld and get the mony for myself.

sins i yam going to cheet you, please reply me how the strategy is and then read the following lines.

concentrate on this exclamashun mark

!

now reed the below lines without lifting your eyes fram the exclamashun mark

i never red this eemail
i don’t no who i yam
i don’t no internet
i am dyin
i am dyin
i am ded

no you can remove your eyes from the exclamashum mark becos you are alreddy dead.

muhaahahahaaaa

lang live myself

yours sinsherelee
www.greekbroccoli.com
(kurrently i am disguised as a website)

Hi,

We are a premiere recruitment agency for several nations, classified individuals and businessmen.

We came across your profile in one of the job portals and would like to inform you we are recruiting Bounty Hunters for a reputed and of course classified nation.

Desired Profile:

2nd/3rd class or failed graduates
knowledge of any martial art (preference will be given to those who invent their own martial arts)
should be able to recognize people with the help of photos
should be willing to travel freaking long distances

Attached you will find photos of one wanted terrorist. He was last seen loitering in mountain caves under Pacific Ocean.

Interested candidates are requested to reply to this mail along with a detailed strategy on how to capture this criminal. 1st class graduates and post graduates will be considered if they can give a good strategy.

Regards

Mysterious Manager
Secret Consultancy
Undisclosed location
Classified phone number
Confidential email